So where have I been and why have I decided to start publishing under my real name? Read on to get a good story!
I know I've been away for a long time and it may have felt like I was abandoning my own blog/coven but I've just been dealing with some serious personal issues. I was not in a very healthy place both physically and mentally. Things just got very overwhelming for me. I felt like I was being torn in too many pieces. A lot of the people in my life were demanding more of me than I really had to give. I think a lot of times people forget that I also am a mother of a very large family. That's the real part of me. I have 8 children, that in its self takes a lot of my mental effort to run.
I also had "friends" in my life who were trying to dictate what I did like a puppet they could play with. Many of those people weren't there when I finally broke down and I noticed. Instead of them checking in on me themselves when I went MIA they tended to get offended and tell me how shitty I was being because I wasn't still catering to them. I felt like a lot of people were just wanting me to be what they wanted me to be and when I tried to be myself that was not good enough for them.
I love that my husband is my biggest spiritual support and always there for me in any way I need him. While he is not an active member of my coven, he is a member and will always be the first one I go to. I love having my children and any children of my coven members in circles, I go out of my way to make those circles kid friendly. The energy they bring is pure, and raw, and innocent! They are our future so that was another problem, people who wanted an all girls coven or no children allowed coven.
Its not who I am. Its not the type of coven I want to run. I do not want to be the type of High Priestess who is sitting up on a throne looking down on everyone. I want to be the one that my members can come to for advice on everything from clothing to spiritual needs. I want to be the open HPS that my members can say "hey I think you are wrong" and not be afraid of that. I also want to be seen as a mother to my coveners. Someone who not only gives them unconditional love but also as an authority to them that they respect. I had too many power struggles being thrown at me and I had too many needy people who wanted to demand my constant attention.
I had to grow and find me. Again. I feel like right now I am in a very good place, and I know I have lost a lot of very good friends in that journey. I still have nothing less than the best love for them, I wish them the best on their journey and I am always going to answer the phone if they call. This was just the point where our paths parted ways so that I could continue on my own. There is never anything wrong with that. We are the only ones on our life's journey, we walk it alone. Sometimes we will be joined by others who's paths cross ours or join with us, but in the end our path is ours alone. For anyone I may have hurt along the way, I do seek your sincere forgiveness. I am sorry. If you would like to reconnect I am ok with that too. If not then I wish you a life filled with the best wishes and love.
As for using my real name, Alice was a name I adopted to hide. Not from anyone but to protect myself and my family. We live in a world where hate has been festered and fed. I also lived in an area where old beliefs die slowly. There are those who would use my own openness to hurt me because I don't drink the same Koolaid as them. But I'm not hiding anymore and all I can do is warn anyone who wishes to hurt me or mine. Don't fuck with a sleeping lion and not expect to get mauled.